Q: What would you say the benefit of having a mentor is?

Amanda: My definition of mentoring is that it is a protected relationship that encourages growth. Protected means you communicate and honor the time commitments, whether that means you agree to meet up, or you chat by phone or email. There’s intentionality in it, and that’s what I mean by protected. One of the really cool things about Pass the Torch is that I’ve grown a lot from my mentees.  It’s not just a one-way street. I’m learning from them, and they’re learning from me as well. Growth happens in both the mentor and mentee.

Akilah: I would say that a mentor is like a tour guide. They’ve been somewhere multiple times, and they can navigate where they’ve been. You’re along on this journey, and they can give you feedback and advice on things you would like to do.  They have the foresight to say Hey, I don’t know about that particular thing, but I  can give you people who can do it. A mentor is a guide, a cheerleader, and a  network. Most importantly, a mentor is someone to listen to and who seeks to understand you.

Q: What would you say the benefit of having a mentor is?

Akilah: The biggest benefit is that you get out of your own head. You have someone to say, “We can do that. Let’s work on it together.” I would have never stepped out and become a mentor in construction, not only if I had mentors who had been entrepreneurs, but my mentees who said I hear you, what are you gonna do about it? It’s not just advising, but also hearing yourself and advising yourself.  You have a sounding board, you get to have someone that listens to you, guides you, and cheers you on. 

Amanda: I would agree with Akilah. One of the benefits is the power of networking.  When you are working with a mentor, it’s not just your network, it’s the mentor’s network as well. As a mentor, you have your own network to tap into, so if your mentee is wondering about something, you can connect them with someone who does. I think it’s not what you know, but who you know. 

India: I think one of the biggest benefits is the transfer of knowledge. When you’re trying to figure things out and don’t know what direction to take, sometimes one of the biggest benefits is having someone who’s been through those hurdles and just to talk through some of those things when you’re trying to think through a  process. 

Q: How can people find their mentors and start that relationship?

India: One of the best suggestions I give to people is to ask themselves is “Are you  looking for a mentor or are you looking for a coach?” Are you looking for an advisor? Are you looking for someone to walk you through your ideas? One of the first steps is figuring out what your needs are for having a mentor. 

Amanda: It’s very important to know what your needs are from a mentor. Another important thing is to keep the ask simple. You are asking somebody for their time. Be prepared to go in to chat and to listen. Schedule a follow-up, and remember to say thank you. It’s a very small thing to do, but it means a lot. I had a mentee who would send me the 3 things she wanted to discuss when she sent me her calendar invites. That was really helpful because it ensured that our meetings were organized and purposeful. I would say you should try to find a board of directors. One mentor is not going to be a fit all for everything. It’s okay to have different people in your life for different roles. It’s important to realize that a mentor might fit into one or two of these sectors and that’s okay. I also think those mentoring relationships can end at a  certain point because you meet with a mentor and maybe you’ve achieved what you’re looking for.  

Akilah: I would say finding a mentor is two-fold. There’s personal and then there’s professional mentors, and the way to find them is to find someone in the space that you are in that you can have conversations with. The second thing is that you find somebody you jive with, that you can flow with, someone who may not be in your profession, but they can be a sounding board. That person can help you get into different spaces and possibly find you that professional mentor. Find someone who’s on the path you would like to go down or who you’d like to learn from.

Q: Can you talk about how to maintain a good mentoring relationship?

India: I think it’s important to maintain communication. I want to make sure that I  stay in contact at least once a week, whether it be by phone, text, or in-person once a month. If my mentee is looking for someone to keep them accountable,  then it is going to be critical that we stay in communication. The driving factor for that communication would be how this relationship rolls out. That communication really determines how that relationship will build because I can’t get to know you if  I don’t talk to you. 

Amanda: Communication is key with this. Communicating however the mentee likes to do it, whether it be virtual or face-to-face, over the phone, Zoom, etc. Communication is a two-way street. Communication is the heart of the relationship.  

Akilah: Every meeting my mentee and I establish goals for what we’re working on and where we’re going. We map out actionable steps to reach goals and see where we’re going. We are trying to accomplish success. Communication, trust, and accountability are all essential. 

Q: How do you quiet your inner critic and build that trust? 

Akilah: I would say vulnerability and storytelling. I know a lot of people gravitate towards success because of the “mountaintop experience,” but I like to talk about the process. How did you reach that success? Sharing the problems, and adversities,  and realizing that you are human is essential. While the mountaintop may be all that people see, it really is just the bottom of another mountain that person is trying to climb. I would say having a kind of synergy is important to be in tandem with that person. It’s also important to share stories in order to positively impact the mentee and get them to their goals. I journal, and I look back at where I was and where I’m going, as well as the impacts I’ve made with people. Just getting out of my head, reflecting on the good in the world.  

Amanda: You have to be aware of your own thoughts. Just because you think something, that does mean it’s true. It’s hard, but the key is to stop ruminating on it. I know we’ve all made a mistake or had a bad day. It’s really easy to replay it over and over in your head, but you need to get out of that spiral. The second thing is the balance between acceptance and self-improvement. Knowing that you can get better. 

India: I work hard at trying to address any issues that are troubling me. Whatever the problem is, I journal. I try to avoid transferring the negative thoughts, and I  keep my thoughts clear by journaling. I think to answer the second part of the question, I do something I don’t necessarily like to distract me. I also try and focus on accepting who I am. When I’m having conversations, I struggle with balancing how I approach certain conversations and how I think the other person is going to receive that conversation. That can be a challenge sometimes, but I am who I am and say things how I say them. 

Q: How did you all develop authentic confidence? How does that correlate with developing those meaningful relationships?

Amanda: I think the first step is to show up authentically. It means that you’re authentic about who you are and what you bring to the table. If you are authentic you attract great relationships. If I’m authentic, it means I’m cultivating those relationships and pouring into them intentionally. 

Akilah: You see all these people in the workplace and you think, Well maybe I  should be more like them, but at the end of the day, you can only be yourself. You have to find your truth. I can’t share a story, or have a conversation, or get a point across that really has no meaning for me. I would have to agree on being your authentic self. I will say that comes in stages and there is a science to that. Being in a male-dominated industry, you can be authentic and show up in different ways.  My confidence came in finding something someone could not take away from me,  and that is my expertise and my education. I just honed into my craft, and it gave me confidence. As my confidence built, I was able to get a seat at the table and then start to make decisions. I was able to get into complex situations and problem-solve. That built the expertise. When I’m heading to the construction site or I’m dealing with multi-million dollar contracts, I also put on music to give me confidence. 

India: I know I lean on my education. I think it was one of the things that helped me reduce the imposter syndrome. I’m sitting in this room, and I’m like, “You guys are  all super smart, and what about me?” The other thing that I always tell people is  that my father is a retired policeman, and he always used to tell me, “Don’t be  afraid to fail, because what’s the worst that could happen?” That was a confidence builder. He just kind of instilled in me the idea that I should not be afraid.  Education definitely helped me build my confidence as well.