If I Could Give Advice To My Younger Self,
I Would Say…
Four Things:
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Don’t worry about what other people think of you; let them worry about that.
This is so much easier said than done. My mother struggled with low self-esteem when I was growing up. Her perceived worth was tied to what others thought of her and she passed that on to me by saying, nearly every day, “What will people think of you? Or what is wrong with you?” As a result, I am officially a recovering perfectionist. Before I proceed further, I would like to say that my drive, empathy (at least what I do have), and my intuition when it comes to others developed, in part, from hearing these questions nearly everyday. Good did come from hearing these statements. However, let’s look at the flip side.
What is the flip side? You will never be able to achieve truly great things – change the world kind of things – if you spend time worrying about what others think. I won’t bore you with the details but research is proving that one of the behaviors of the most successful and creative individuals is their ability to not worry about what other people think of them. That is not to say they don’t care about others, seek input/advice from others or understand the potential impact of their decisions – it is simply to say that they keep other’s opinions in perspective and realize that you can never please everyone – trying to do so is recipe for mediocrity or failure. Successful and creative individuals understand that to truly change the world requires you to take a stand and be willing/able to take the heat from other’s who either disagree with you or who simply want to see you fail for no reason other than their own insecurity.
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One of the most important decisions that will determine if you achieve your potential is – whom you marry.
Yep, you read that correctly. The most successful people tend to always thank their significant other for supporting them, being there for them, and so forth. This does not mean that it is all about you – it is a partnership. Understanding you and your partners:
- Core values
- Philosophies on money
- Beliefs about raising children and home responsibilities
- Beliefs about life and people in general
- Willingness to respectfully debate and make decisions
- Life’s dreams
All play a role in maximizing the potential of you both. Take the time to truly explore these difficult topics and have the courage to step away from a relationship where you know it is not right. Everyone deserves to find his or her best possible partner.
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Your success will be determined by the average success of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
Who do you spend the most time with? Are they lifting you up or bringing you down? Every time I make this statement, I am asked – “does my spouse/family count?” Yes – refer to #1 and #2 above. We can’t pick our family – but we can pick how we interact with our family and we can pick our spouse.
What I really mean by this statement is – who is on your Personal Board of Directors? If you don’t have one – then I suggest you get one and you work with people who have “been there, done that,” and/or believe/support you in your goals. Bottom line – are the people you spend the most time with – lifting you up and helping you grow, OR are they bringing you down? If it is the later – time to make a change.
Oh, and by the way – this works in reverse. Are you lifting others up and helping them grow or are you bringing them down? Which brings me to my last point.
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Have a permanent Beta Mindset.
Have a Permanent Beta Mindset. Read the book “The start up of you” by Reid Hoffman and Ben Casnocha. The concept of Permanent Beta:
- To always be starting
- To forever be a work in progress
Frankly, I wish I had written this book –it is outstanding!
Stop saying:
- When I get “insert job title,” I will be set and can relax
- We’ve never done it like that
- Just let me do my job and leave me alone
- You know you will have arrived when you “fill in the blank”
The only time you should “arrive” is when your casket arrives at the funeral home. Learn to get comfortable with the constant change, and embrace every experience and every person you encounter as a gift – a chance to learn, grown, develop and impact others.
– Marietta Stalcup | President, CEO & Chief Connector at ievolve llc & Program Facilitator at Mentoring Women’s Network –
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